RHYS JAMES

The stand-up comedian discusses his childhood love for Simon Davies and which title-winning duo walked out of his gig

- Ed McCambridge

Can you remember the first match you attended?

I think I've got a bit of a false memory of this one, because I’ve said on podcasts in the past that it was a 3-0 home defeat to Leeds, but I can’t find any evidence of that. Having now gone through to try and find the year, I can see 1-0 home defeats in 1997 and 1998, so it’s likely one of them. I was there with my dad, brother and grandfather, and as the game ended, everyone stood up to leave while I stayed in my seat crying. They asked, “What are you crying about?” I said, “We lost”, and they were like, “God, you're going to have to get used to this.”

What’s your matchday routine?

I get to the stadium at least half an hour before a game. Generally, I prefer it when everyone can meet even earlier and go to the pub. We sit next to a guy called Alistair, who we met on day one in the new stadium. I sit with either my brother or my friend Dexter, who share a season ticket. At halftime, we always have a pint with Alistair. I try not to get on the players’ backs during a game as it makes football a negative experience and it shouldn’t have to be like that. Post-game, under the guise of letting the Tube queues die down, I like to have a few pints at the little micro brewery inside the ground and then, if all goes well, one more pub somewhere in town afterwards. Those are the best days.

Who was your childhood hero?

I was obsessed with Simon Davies as a kid, to such an extent that I remember my friend drawing me a birthday card when I was like six, and it was a picture of Davies, which is odd, isn't it? I loved David Ginola until he left and broke my heart. I remember threatening to burn my Ginola shirt aged about nine.

What do you enjoy the most about going to a game in person?