I'm worrying again. It's that familiar, gut-deep tug. Clenched teeth and furrowed brow. Not a single dandelion left, not one! I tear up at the roadside, feeling simultaneously silly and furious.
It's a morning in late April, spring has barely got started, and yet it has begun. The cutting. The mowing, the strimming, and hacking. I'm standing by a busy A-road, near the supermarket, watching a lad on a giant mower annihilate a bank of basking dandelions and bobbing cowslips. How anyone can mow a cowslip I don't understand. These butter-yellow wildflowers are the sunny faces of spring! They cause no harm, nor do they obstruct views on roads, or scratch or sting. Yet we mow them down - it's heartbreaking. I bend down and pick up a slightly wilting, severed flower, twirling it between my fingers.
A horrible sensation sits in my tummy for the rest of the day. I find myself feeling sad as I drink my brew after lunch. This incident is just one small patch of cowslips, but it's indicative of a bigger problem. The same can be said for my mood. The amount of time I spend in a state of worry seems to be on the up. Fret is always there, nagging like the incessant itch of a fresh horsefly bite.
There's a word for this feeling: eco-anxiety. Several years ago, whilst volunteering at RSPB Loch Garten, I found myself experiencing a complex potion of emotions: worry, sadness and despair. These were sensations that sat heavily in my chest and over time seemed to swell, like a plant's roots growing too big for its pot. I remember chatting with an older lady in the osprey centre. We spoke about the news and our perceptions of impending doom. We embraced; strangers sharing a cuddle, tears sparkling in the corners of our eyes. "Eco-dreads" we giggled awkwardly as we came up with a name for the uncomfortable feeling we shared.
Bu hikaye BBC Wildlife dergisinin May 2023 sayısından alınmıştır.
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Bu hikaye BBC Wildlife dergisinin May 2023 sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Giriş Yap
Flightless birds
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CRACK DOWN
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Wild words
Spending time observing and writing about the natural world can be transformational