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Should we tell them the truth?

Q My sister-in-law is terminally ill and will die soon. She and my brother lived with us for several years, and my children will miss her dearly. They are eight and six, and I'm not sure what I should say to them about what happens when people die. She and our parents are old-school and don't think we should be open with them. I'm not sure that's right. Name and address withheld

A It must be hard for the whole family, but when someone close to a small child dies, it's important to be clear, honest and direct. Using words like died is much better than euphemisms like 'passed away' or 'gone to sleep'. Explain that the person's body stopped working and will not come back. Acknowledge their sadness and share your own feelings to show it's OK to grieve.

Often, children think it is something they did wrong, so reassure them that they are not to blame. They will ask lots of questions, which need to be answered honestly, with warmth.

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