THE ART OF ILLUSION IN THE ELDER SCROLLS IV: OBLIVION REMASTERED

You just can't get the staff: Crispin the Preposterous's grand finale

- By Matt Elliott

Like a rotten log reaching the rapids, Crispin the Preposterous has finally found some direction.

After years (read: about three days) spent wandering Cyrodill, honing his craft of avoiding any and all conflict, he's finally found his life's purpose. He will take his rightful place at the Arcane University, craft spells worthy of his prodigious talents, and become known as the most recognisable illusionist in all of Tamriel; a goal made more challenging by the fact that he's invisible 90% of the time. The posters for his appearances are just blank parchment with a title treatment. He's John Cena is a velvet doublet.

When we left Crispin, he'd bravely stolen back all the missing parts of the Arcane University's missing Dwemer orrery. It wasn't motivated by any sense of academic purpose or altruism; it just mysteriously appeared in his quest log and sounded deliciously easy. When Crispin completed the quest in the last issue, he bagged a sweet 600 Septims, but never actually saw the result. And, truthfully, I expected it to be low-key: an ornamental clockwork solar system that honestly wasn't worth the faff. The sort of thing you'd expect to find on the desk of some Dwemerphile middle-management Mages Guild nerd. The reality, however, is breathtaking: a gargantuan, mechanical cosmic map that spins stirringly overhead. It takes a lot to make Crispin the Preposterous, Tamriel's Greatest Illusionist, The Limpid Enigma, feel small. But somehow, this manages it. The finished orrery also confers a new power on our hero. But it's not an Illusion spell, so we won't be using it. Don't make me tap the rules.

CONSTELLATION PRIZE