Who made Camilla laugh? Secrets of that seating plan...

By all accounts, the "dignified" phase of the president's visit passed well; any possible frictions between the disparate participants dissolved away in the warm sandstone balm of Windsor Castle "the ultimate", as Donald Trump put it.

- SEAN O'GRADY

Everyone at the 52-yard-long table for the state banquet behaved themselves, so far as we know. Aside from graceful speeches rich in historical and cultural references delivered (but not necessarily written by) President Trump and the King, whatever was said by the guests during the evening's drinks and dinner remains confidential.

From the glimpses in the television coverage of the reception, the new foreign secretary, Yvette Cooper, had a resigned look on her face, like her garrulous husband, Ed Balls, had just delivered the punchline of a dirty story to one of the White House officials, but we'll probably never know. You can't help but wonder what else might have passed between some of those attending, strategically placed as they were on the diplomatically sensitive seating plan.

Sadly, for example, the demands of what the president termed the “special doesn’t begin to do it justice” relationship, and the awe-inspiring surroundings, would have militated against a freer and frank conversation between the leaders. Had things been less constrained, his majesty might have quietly raised, as he has with his ministers in the past, the plight of the Patagonian toothfish, and the president, never noted for his environmentalism, might have inquired of him less quietly, “Who gives a damn about a fish?” If only the King played golf, or the president polo, one can only imagine how deep their personal special relationship might have grown. As it stands, the two people that they might both, in happier circumstances, have been able to swap gossip about, Prince Andrew and Prince Harry, remained ghosts at this particular feast.