Why men need to stop ‘tiger-ing’ through the pain

IN SOUTH Africa, a mental health crisis has a specific sound, and it is not that of sobbing.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

Instead, it is the stifling, painful silence of a car engine idling in a suburban or township driveway late into the night. It is the image of a father gazing blankly at his dashboard, overwhelmed by the financial and emotional burdens within his home that have become too great to confront.

It is the sudden, explosive slam of a kitchen cupboard over a minor inconvenience; the irrational road rage on the N1; the quiet, systematic withdrawal of a man whose internal pressure valve has completely fused shut.

Words like “Be strong”, “Man up”, “Don't cry” and “Handle it yourself” feel all too familiar.

We are a nation built on an almost mythic ideal of resilience. South African men survive economic volatility, historical trauma, and staggering rates of community violence. We pride ourselves on “tiger-ing” through the pain.

But this celebrated ability to endure has mutated into a silent pandemic. Men account for 79% of all suicide deaths in South Africa, making them nearly four times more likely to die by suicide than women. They are quite literally dying of an inability to speak.

To go beyond the predictable shock of these statistics, Independent Media Lifestyle spoke with Denisha September, a registered counsellor and programme coordinator at the South African College of Applied Psychology (SACAP).