They knew they were dying soon, so they threw a party with loved ones

ON A spring weekend in Boise, Idaho, more than 100 people gathered at Ember Maucere's home for a three-day party filled with live music, dancing, food and art.

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KELSEY Kappauf's family at her father's living funeral. From left, Adam, Cindy, Steve and Kelsey.

(The Washington Post)

They weren't there for a wedding or birthday. They were there because Maucere, 56, was dying and she had invited them to celebrate her life with her. People showed up in colourful outfits, ready to take part in a silent disco, performances from local artists and group meditations.

“We would just look around and see everyone smiling and crying,” said Griffin Mullin, 28, the eldest of Maucere’s two sons. “It was very healing.”

Last December, after several years in remission, Maucere learned her breast cancer had returned and was spreading aggressively to her lungs and bones.

Doctors told her she might have six to 12 months to live. Within weeks, she began planning what she called a “restival” — a festival and a final moment of rest shared with those she loved most.

“She wanted to have one big old party to bring all of her closest people together,” said Janaya Edmonds, 29, a longtime family friend. “She wanted to look death in the face and accept it and honour it.”

Maucere died April 29, about a month after the party. She did not have a funeral. In her mind, her son said, she had already had one.

“That was it, that was the whole point,” Mullin said. “She wanted it to be a celebration rather than the traditional dressed-in-black funeral.”

Maucere is part of a small but growing number of people who are choosing to hold “living funerals” - memorial gatherings that take place before a person's death. It is an opportunity to celebrate a life, share memories and say goodbye.

“We all just held each other, and we processed the grief as it was happening,” Edmonds said. “There was so much love that there was no space for the isolation or trying to avoid it.”