I WANT TO LIVE

The "most wonderful time of the year" is hard for many. Here, suicide survivors share what keeps them going.

- Rebecca Ruiz

Dese'Rae L. Stage keeps a list of things that make her happy.

It includes going to the movies alone, walking around with a giant cup of coffee, and having regular Zoom chats with her best friends who live too far away to meet up with in person. She learned a long time ago that gratifying distractions and reminders of life's small pleasures might save her in a moment of crisis.

Stage, an artist who lives in Philadelphia, also knows that even if a person has attempted or contemplated suicide, it doesn't mean that's how their life will end. She knows this because she's a living example. She's also the creator of Live Through This, an initiative that documents the portraits and stories of suicide attempt survivors.

The popular perception of suicide is that it's unstoppable once the idea takes root-doesn't reflect the reality that Stage and so many others know.

Indeed, 9 out of 10 people who attempt to take their own lives and survive do not ultimately die by suicide, according to research cited by Harvard's School of Public Health.

"I don't think I'll ever be cured of my suicidal thoughts, but I also don't think I'll take my life," Stage says. "There's a  lot of room for growth and movement past the suicidality." Stage says that handling suicidal thoughts can get easier with time, particularly once a person develops a set of skills to help manage negative or volatile emotions. Finding coping strategies and creating a support network (friends, family, a therapist, a support group) make a critical difference.

It's also important to remember that not everyone who becomes suicidal has an obvious or diagnosed mental illness. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that more than half of those who died by suicide between 1999 and 2016 did not have a known mental health condition.