WORK WIVES ARE GOING EXTINCT

They're becoming less common as remote and hybrid work get more prevalent. But is now the time when we need them most?

- SAMHITA MUKHOPADHYAY

In 2019, my father was sick and I was helping to manage his care while maintaining a very high-stress, full-time career in publishing. I’d travel back and forth from upstate New York to my media job in downtown Manhattan, where the work pressures were intense. I’d be forcing smiles in meetings while checking my phone about my father’s status; sitting in his hospital room with my laptop open, fielding emails and calls.

A colleague became my confidante. The bridge between my personal and professional lives, and having that person who understood both worlds felt like a salve. It was a relief to have someone who knew why I needed a little extra time to get things done. One week, an Instant Pot showed up, a gift she sent to help make cooking bulk meals for my family easier. When I opened the package, I started sobbing. She was one of the reasons I was able to make it through that time; what many people would call a work wife.

The term is derived from “office wife,” a phrase once used by men to describe their particularly industrious assistants and secretaries. Since then, the term has evolved. In their book Work Wife, authors Erica Cerulo and Claire Mazur describe them as women in the office with whom we develop “a combination of personal and professional bondedness.” Those who we share an “in-this-together attitude” with.

But since the pandemic has shifted the way we show up at work—physically and mentally—the relationship has seemed to fizzle. In talking to friends, one told me that her view of work changed after the pandemic and she prefers to keep to herself. Another said working from home has been a solace because she doesn’t want to build connections, she just wants to get her work done.