Dear Carol

TOTALLY CONFUSED - I am talking to this boy. I can tell that he really likes me, but I don't feel the same way, and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

- BY CAROL WESTON

I know this probably wasn't a good idea, but I decided to try to get a boyfriend so I'd stop liking my crush because I felt like he might not like me back. I ended up liking my crush again, and now I don't know what to say to the boy I'm talking to. He's really sweet and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't want to date him—I'd rather just be friends. I was wondering if I should wait until he ends things or asks me to be his girlfriend, then I can decline and explain why.

Dear Totally Confused,

You two have been talking, but he didn't get on his knee and pull out a ring, and no one signed any contracts. So no need to do anything. Take a gentle step back. Talk less and respond to his texts less quickly and with fewer words. With luck, he will pick up on this, and it can just be a flirtation that didn't blossom. Totally normal. I think this will be easier for him than having to hear you say the head-spinning and more hurtful, "So I wanted to stop liking this other guy, and I thought it would help to get a BF, so I picked you, but then I changed my mind, and now I like the other guy again." Forgive yourself. You live and learn, and you didn't purposely mess with this boy's feelings. But going forward, slow down. To me, when a girl tries to "get a boyfriend," it feels forced and sort of misguided. Better to let feelings grow without a timetable.

FRIEND CRUSH

I have a friend who I'm not that close to, and I think I have a tiny crush on her. I've never liked a girl that way before. I don't want to overreact and tell someone who'd make a big deal out of it in case I'm wrong. But I still want to tell someone. My social-ness level on a scale of one to 10 is two.

Dear Friend Crush,