NEW YEAR'S EVE
Did you spend your NYE on a corporate Zoom? No? This girl did. My company had a new product going live at exactly 12 a.m., so the only thing I watched drop was my last crumb of joy. Then again, a friend of mine went home with a Tinder rando who asked her to narrate depressing news headlines while he masturbated into a tube sock, so it's all relative.
Anyway, every January, I pick a word that defines how I want to approach relationships for the next 12 months. 2021's was "reciprocity," which challenged me to end one-sided friendships and romances. Last year, it was "untethered," freeing myself from expectations and commitments. This year, I've decided to go with "bold," a call to more bravely and authentically pursue what I want.
And what I want is this: more sex but with fewer people. With an actual partner, perhaps? Is that a "bold" ask? Feels like it. And if it doesn't work out, it is the Chinese zodiac Year of the Rabbit-and we all know I love my favorite vibrator.
MONDAY, 7 P.M.
Hot take: I still love the convenience of dating apps. Although I don't love that Hinge keeps resurfacing Sean, the finance guy I dated who was spooked by my hilariously funny butt-plug video (it was a whole thing, remember?). I mean, come on. But I digress. With my new 2023 approach in mind, I match with Walker. He's a 29-year-old philosophy major now in his last semester of business school. I guess mental masturbation doesn't pay the bills.
Our banter is quick and clever. We're contrasting his lifelong desire to go to Burning Man with my lifelong desire to avoid being in any desert climate and having to barter for basic necessities. "Want to FaceTime?" he asks. Damn. It seems I've already manifested "bold." I run to the bathroom to throw on a little blush and mascara before my phone rings.
This story is from the Issue 01, 2023 / February - March 2023 edition of Cosmopolitan US.
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This story is from the Issue 01, 2023 / February - March 2023 edition of Cosmopolitan US.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
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