Here to help

Let counsellor Keren lighten your load

Keren Smedley

How can I stop him complaining?

Q My husband is good at DIY and I’m not. I cook and clean, but he always wants me involved in home maintenance in some way. It often ends up with him complaining that I’m not doing it right. How do I get him to stop asking and, if he does, to stop griping? Marina, Lincoln

A The simple answer is, tell him! It sounds like he wants your company when he’s doing those tasks, and maybe another pair of hands for jobs that are easier with two people. Explain to him, as you have to me, how you feel, and work out the best way between you to manage this. And be clear that you’ll stop helping if he moans at you again.

I’m worried my mother won’t cope

Q My mother has dementia. She’s not too bad, so sometimes she understands things – but sometimes she doesn’t. My elderly aunt died a few days ago and I don’t know whether to tell my mother, as it will distress her, or if I should say nothing. I’m not sure she can cope with the funeral and I think her presence might be very disruptive for my surviving aunt and cousins, and others who attend. Chris, Ware