SEX

The case for telling you your partner exactly how you want to feel during sex?

- GIGI ENGLE

IT’LL MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE SO MUCH BETTER.

You’re lying in bed, your partner’s head is between your legs, and you’re not exactly going wild with pleasure. If only they realised your clitoris is a couple of centimetres higher than where they’re determinedly lapping away. Well, this is never going to happen, you might think. Do I just chill here until they’re bored, or should I say something? Draw a diagram?

If you’re used to asking for what you want in bed, you might skip this mental back-and-forth and get right to it. In that case, please accept my virtual applause. But if you’re not there yet, that’s perfectly OK too. Maybe you’re at a loss for words when your partner asks what you need. Or maybe they haven’t explicitly asked, but you know you need to speak up if you’re ever going to have the sex you want. Either way, you’re in great company.

As a sex educator and coach, I’ve received countless emails from people who want something specific in bed but aren’t sure how to ask for it. The fear of being vulnerable or bruising a partner’s ego can be high-key overwhelming.

I’ve come to realise that telling your partner how you want to feel is sometimes just as good as – or even better than – asking for a specific act.

You can be as broad as saying, “I want to feel more wanted than ever”, or as detailed as, “I want to feel like my nipples are the centre of your mouth’s universe”. This strategy will help you have a more satisfying time in bed. Here’s why this simple approach can be highly effective.

IT CAN BE A LESS DAUNTING WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS