Refereeing was my outlet and a way to try get back on track

GAA SAVED BARRY KELLY ATER TRAGEDY STRUCK FAMILY

- Garry doyle

A COFFEE shop on a Tuesday lunchtime.

Office workers, hassled and panicky, edge towards the counter, while those who have already placed their orders sit and talk.

Cups clang off saucers and the sound of the street invades our space whenever the cafe door opens.

In Barry Kelly's world, there's always noise; the roar of the crowd on matchdays, the hustle of a secondary school on weekdays; lockers banging, teenagers chatting, But in his life there has also been silence, the kind only those who have grieved can begin to understand.

One day in 2013, his world was perfect.

Married with twin boys, considered the best referee in hurling, he spent long summer days honing his fitness and summer nights controlling matches.

Then tragedy struck. Catherine, his wife, mother to their three-and-a-halfyear-old boys, was diagnosed with cancer in July. She died in September.

She was 41, Barry 43.

Everything stopped, everything changed. No refereeing for two months.

Then one night he got a call to officiate a local match in Westmeath.

"Maybe, I'm ready to go back," he thought.

He wasn't. And now, 12 years later, when he is asked to reflect on his toughest moment from 30 years of refereeing, he doesn't select any of the four All-Irelands he officiated.

Instead he choses a Feis Cup final between St Loman's and Garrycastle.

"I kind of half expected to be treated with kid gloves. But I was treated as if nothing had happened. And I was not ready for it.

"Catherine would be the first to say that unless you are ready, you should not put yourself out there.

"I was in the headspace of (needing) sympathy. As in, 'does that player not know what I am going through? Does he not know that I have three-year-old boys at home and this is just a break out of the house for me?'