HOW TO RAISE EMOTIONALLY RESILIENT CHILDREN

NAOMI ALDORT is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, published in nineteen different languages. She guides parents via phone, Skype and workshops internationally, bringing peace and clarity to both difficult situations and everyday family issues, including marriage, pregnancy, birth, diet and lifestyle, and child development for children of all ages. Her S.A.L.V.E. communication formula has been praised as providing the best of the work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication combined. In this exclusive interview with LAKSHMI ARAVIND, Naomi shares her wisdom on how we can raise emotionally resilient, well-adjusted, authentic children.

- LAKSHMI ARAVIND

Q: All kids encounter stress in their lives to varying degrees, and despite our best efforts as parents we can’t always protect them. Kids get sick, they have to move schools and environments, deal with bullies, cyber bullies, exams and tests. They may face family breakups and grief due to loss. On top of all this, we also live in a fast-paced world, where we want quick solutions to problems. But this is the time to pause and think of how we can do the best for our children.

Naomi, welcome and how are you today?

I’m doing well, thank you, and I’m delighted to be here with you.

Q: Awesome, so let’s get started. The first question is: What are the basic tenets of your philosophy for raising children, and why emotionally resilient?

Where I depart from the mainstream way of parenting is that I am not into shaping children and making them. I hold children as creation (if you’re religious that means God, otherwise Nature) and they are perfect creations just as they are. So my whole approach is about allowing children to be rooted in themselves rather than in what we want for them. Parents want children to learn this, to be there, to sleep in their own room; all this “wanting” for our children. We cannot chew food for another person, we cannot breathe for another person, and likewise we cannot want for another person. A baby is a time bomb. It’s a grown-up in a small body with its potential not yet unfolded. We need to know the limitations, but we need to respect them like we respect God. This is not our making. So that’s the main difference in my philosophy. It’s not permissiveness, it’s not license. We still need to guide and be leaders, but we need to be leaders who enable children to unfold who they already are.