A CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE FOR PEOPLE WITH MORE MONEY THAN SENSE

Who really needs, or even uses, a gift guide these days? You know your loved ones far better than I ever could. Want to get them thoughtful presents? Put some thought into it. So, instead of struggling to come up with ultimately unhelpful – possibly even unsuitable - suggestions for you, I've decided to indulge myself for a change. I'm lifting the covers off my true, in some cases irrational, desires this season, to show you the tech that gets me as giddy as a kid at Christmas

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NIKE ALPHAFLY 3 ELIUD KIPCHOGE EDITION

The new year means resolutions to get fit. But if I'm going to ask Santa for a pair of shoes to get fit in, then I want them to be so good that wearing them feels like I'm cheating. Actually, these shoes are cheating. Take these 'super trainers' to any kind of proper race and officials could stop you from running. That's why, when their namesake ran a marathon in under two hours while wearing them, it didn't go in the record books. They work much like Go-Go-Gadget springs shoes, soaking up the force from your footstrike and putting a bit of a bounce into your next stride.

£289, nike.com

NINJA CREAMI ICE CREAM MAKER

Every time I leave the doctor without a diagnosis of diabetes or high cholesterol, I feel like I've won the lottery. Having ice cream on-demand at home would tip the balance, I fear. That said, if a white-bearded, red-suited benefactor were to deliver one, it would be a waste not to see if a bread-and-butter-pudding-flavoured ice cream would be as good as I think it is. The Creami takes whatever liquid you put into it, freezes it and turns it into ice cream within 24 hours. As if that wasn't bad enough for my blood-sugar levels, it can also make milkshakes, sorbets and slurpees. Fancy a daiquiri, doc?

£199.99, ninjakitchen.co.uk

BALMUDA, THE KETTLE