One way of getting young people to improve life skills

I AM in receipt of a press release from the desk of Anna Gelderd MP eagerly sharing the news that, “black hole” or no “black hole”, the government has found £70m down the back of the sofa to boost cadet forces by 30% in the next five years. Apparently this equates to another 50,000: or, put another way, roughly five infantry divisions.

- Phil Wisdom

Having written more than a few such missives while employed as a government press officer (I'd rather not go into detail, other than to say that it happened at a very dark time in my life) I instinctively began ticking off the standard-issue entries in the propagandist's lexicon: “fantastic”, “vital skills”, “huge opportunities”, “great futures” and so forth. It seems little has changed since I myself was Winston Smithing it up down at the Ministry of Truth.

Joining the cadets will apparently “break down barriers which are holding back Britain's young people”. Those signing up for the Air Cadets, for example, will be part of “the first youth organisation in Britain certified to train drone pilots”, acquiring “valuable STEM skills” as they learn to unleash Hellfire missiles at suspected insurgents, their extended families, pets, neighbours and passersby.