How becoming a mum changed my relationship with my dad

When the writer's papa became grandpa - or gong-gong - to her three-year-old daughter, seeing his display of heart for his granddaughter melted her own.

- Diane Leow

"Don't eat so much." A short sentence like this can cut both ways, 20 years apart. As a 15-year-old, I was spending precious little time with my dad, a businessman. I was not yet aware of his busy schedule and work obligations. I cared, however, that he picked me up from school for a late lunch, and took me for a delicious plate of sambal fried rice.

When he said that, I paused and took it as criticism. I had never been slim in my entire life, and he had been saying I had to eat less. It was one of many comments I slowly collected over the years, chalking them up to an insensitive father - when it could not have been further from the truth.

THE ROLE OF A FATHER AND GRANDFATHER We are a week from Father's Day. I will admit that before becoming a parent, I had never given much thought to the role of a father within a family unit. My dad, a steady constant presence, was my provider, my morning driver and someone I could (and still can) rely on for wisdom.

When I was about to get married, however, I believe I made the right decision because I saw traits of a good dad in my now husband: patience when the situation calls for it, a strong sense of responsibility, and the ability to find some lightheartedness in a situation (especially important when baby has pooped for the sixth time that day and you just cannot help but laugh).

I have also read that dads bond best with their children through play. Anthropologist Anna Machin was quoted in the BBC as saying: "If a dad asks me 'what's the one thing I can do to bond with my child?', I'll say 'play with them'. What is fascinating is there has been this co-evolution between dads and babies. They both get their biggest peak of oxytocin when they play together."