When a woman says ‘enough’: the myths men create to save their ego

THERE'S an old pattern that repeats itself in the quiet aftermath of separation — a pattern so familiar that it almost seems scripted.

- GAISHRIE SHARON SINGH

The moment a woman gathers the strength to walk away from a toxic marriage or partnership, the whispering begins.It doesn’t matter how dignified her exit was, how many years she endured emotional neglect, or how many times she tried to make it work — once she leaves, she becomes the villain in the story that her former partner begins to tell.

The rumours start softly, like smoke curling in corners — “she was having affairs”; “she was always aggressive and problematic”; “she took everything and left me with nothing”.

These accusations are not just casual gossip; they are deliberate distortions. They are survival tools of the narcissistic, patriarchal man who cannot bear to face the truth - that the woman he once controlled has found her strength.

Let’s begin with the most predictable one: “She's having an affair.”

This accusation has been used for centuries to tarnish women who dare to assert themselves. It’s the easiest way to discredit her — to paint her as immoral, unfaithful or deceitful. It gives the man an instant alibi for his own failures. He doesn’t have to look at his emotional distance, his betrayals, his neglect or his manipulation. No, the narrative shifts neatly. Suddenly, he is the poor, betrayed husband, and she, the heartless woman who chose another man over him. But the truth is often simpler. The only “affair” she ever had was with her freedom. The only “other man” in her life was her own self-respect returning home.

This rumour is not just about slander; it’s about power. It’s a last attempt to control how others see her because he no longer controls how she sees herself.

Then comes the second line of attack — “She’s aggressive, controlling and impossible to live with.”

In truth, what they call “aggression” is often her refusal to tolerate disrespect any longer. What they call “problematic” is her voice finally rising after years of silence.