SHOW NEEDS OSBOURNE TO BE WILD

WHAT’S THE POINT? Show-off Jack

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WHAT the hell were you playing at, Jack? Have you ever actually watched this show?

Twelve stars out of 12 was impressive, I agree. And, OK, your hungry campmates were grateful for the sizeable dollop of dead stuff it won them.

But a word of advice: Never again make a trial look such a doddle. Never make it look like you could have done it in your sleep, especially if it’s one of those will-he-or-won'the-drown affairs.