THE HUGE JOY OF tiny experiments

Every journey begins with the first step, so why are we so impatient to get to the destination, asks Yasmina Floyer

- Yasmina Floyer

We all know what it feels like to have a goal that feels completely insurmountable. The reason for that feeling can vary: some ideas just feel too much, while other times maybe we’ve made an attempt at working towards our goal, only to run out of steam — and self-belief.

I know I have. Each year I tell myself I will commit to really getting into my longform creative projects... and each year I end up feeling stuck, and quit.

I feel stupid and incapable and incompetent and lacking.

The reason isn’t immediately clear. I have never lacked motivation, and I have published works of creative shortform, yet the process of writing creative longform has always been painful for me.

However, when I sat and interrogated the discomfort of my failure, and tried to consider what was really going on, I began to see a pattern emerge.

First came the idea, the grain of a story that had been fermenting over the years. Next, the goal of writing it would be set, and I would begin. So far, so good.

But no sooner had I started, than I would quickly feel awful about my project and stop, convinced that I was simply not ready. The problem, I realised, was my glaring awareness of the chasm that sat between where I was and where I wanted to be, a gap that stretched before me like a wide-open mouth, swallowing my hope and self-esteem, leaving me crushed beneath the weight of my own expectation. Perhaps you know the feeling: you've also taken the first step towards an ambitious goal, and like me, have seen your efforts come to a screeching halt when the rubber hits the road. If you have, read on, because this year, something shifted in me.