'Sometimes seedlings aren't ready to be planted out'

Last time client Jill was convinced she wanted to leave her marriage, but was facing opposition from loved ones. What will she decide?

-  Kim Morgan

From the moment Jill arrived for our coaching session, I could see she wasn’t okay.

She looked washed out and sad. Even her trademark jingly jangly silver bangles were missing from her wrist.

She got straight to the point: ‘I know I left the last session full of courage and resolve but you don’t need to be a mind-reader to see where I am today. I’m still in the marriage and it looks like I will be for some time yet. My husband remains devastated. My in-laws remain furious with me and so do my children. My friends have abandoned me. I thought I could leave in the face of their anger and judgement, but my courage has left me.’

Jill sat quietly, deep in thought. ‘I knew what I wanted. I knew it so clearly. I wanted it so badly, but the guilt is too much for me. So, I’ve gone back on my decision.’

I said I was sorry that things had turned out this way and asked, ‘What does going back on your decision mean for you?’

Jill held her hands up in a gesture of despair. ‘I still want to leave. That hasn’t changed but I’m not strong enough. I’ve always put other people’s needs above mine. Why would I suddenly stop now? How did I even think I was going be able to leave — just like that? I simply can’t.’

Jill had been beaten up emotionally by everyone around her and I was conscious that I didn’t want to be another voice of judgement. I braced myself for a backlash from Jill as I asked: ‘I’m wondering whether it is not that you are choosing not to — for now?’

‘You're right. It is a choice. I’m choosing not to act. I hate myself for it, but that’s what I’m doing.’