THESE BLACK BOOTS ARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE BLACK BOOTS
The New Yorker
|October 13, 2025
These have an almond toe.
Those have a rounded toe.
These have eight pairs of eyelets and a Vibram sole. Those have twelve pairs of eyelets and a leather sole.
These are suède. Those are also suède, but the nap runs north-south rather than east-west.
These are waterproof. Those are ... also waterproof. No, wait, neither is waterproof. That other pair of black boots is the waterproof pair.
These I bought on sale. Those I bought on Facebook Marketplace, before my account was suspended—IN ERROR, but have you tried communicating with Meta? Like screaming into the void. This other pair, I paid full price.
These I bought a half size too small because they were the only pair left and were just too good. I was certain at the time that, if I wore them every day, they could be stretched enough to feel comfortable with a thin sock. A very thin sock. Turns out I was wrong about that.
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