THESE BLACK BOOTS ARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE BLACK BOOTS

These have an almond toe.

- BY ALYSSA BRANDT

Those have a rounded toe.

These have eight pairs of eyelets and a Vibram sole. Those have twelve pairs of eyelets and a leather sole.

These are suède. Those are also suède, but the nap runs north-south rather than east-west.

These are waterproof. Those are ... also waterproof. No, wait, neither is waterproof. That other pair of black boots is the waterproof pair.

These I bought on sale. Those I bought on Facebook Marketplace, before my account was suspended—IN ERROR, but have you tried communicating with Meta? Like screaming into the void. This other pair, I paid full price.

These I bought a half size too small because they were the only pair left and were just too good. I was certain at the time that, if I wore them every day, they could be stretched enough to feel comfortable with a thin sock. A very thin sock. Turns out I was wrong about that.