The Parent Trap

Writing Responsibly About Your Child

- BY ABBY ALTEN SCHWARTZ

My memoir-in-progress, Hypervigilant, is about my transformation from living on constant high alert to trusting my ability to navigate uncertainty, finding beauty and agency in the process. The catalyst: my daughter's life-threatening illness, cystic fibrosis.

My daughter was an adult when I began writing about her childhood. Though focused on my personal arc, my story overlaps hers—making privacy another issue I've had to navigate. She gave me her blessing, and I promised to delete anything that made her uncomfortable.

Writing about your child can be tricky—ethical questions arise with no clear answers. Like, when is a child truly capable of consent? Is a parent naturally entitled to expose details about their child? Where's the line between authenticity and exploitation?

Yet, our stories are important. Raising a child with a physical or mental illness is often painfully isolating, and parenting memoirs can be a powerful source of solace, offering validation, hope, and a sense of community.

I spoke with seven nonfiction writers whose work examines how they dealt with a child’s illness, disability, addiction, or death. We discussed their approaches to privacy and consent, what drove them to share their stories, and advice they'd give other writers. I've edited their responses for clarity and length.

PRIORITIZE CONSENT

Most of the writers waited years to start their memoirs. By then, their children were grown. They asked for consent (including the use of real names), agreed to change or remove content upon request, and kept their kids' current lives off limits to protect their privacy as adults.

One exception was Jaclyn Greenberg, who is writing a parenting book about accessibility and has published numerous articles featuring her 12-year-old son, who is disabled and nonverbal. Because he “doesn't fully understand the implications” of consent, Greenberg consults her husband and oldest child instead.