We Haven't Had Sex For Seven Years

Most relationships suffer a lull in the bedroom at some stage, but what if it stalls completely? Here, Sara reveals the heartache of a sexless marriage

- Natasha Harding

When I first met ben, I thought I’d found my soulmate. he was everything I wanted in a man. Fast forward 13 years and I realise it was all a sham. Yes, we have a nice life and three gorgeous children, oscar, 11, James, eight, and six-year-old Lucy, but we also have a secret: we haven’t had sex for almost seven years. and I don’t think we ever will again.

Before I got together with Ben, I had amazing sex with other men – sex that made my heart pound and body ache. When I met Ben, then 26, in a bar in June 2004, I fancied him straight away and imagined the hot nights we’d soon be having between the sheets.

Instead, whenever I stayed the night at his house, he prepared the guest room for me. I assumed he didn’t want to rush me.

We finally slept together two months after we met. I should have spotted the warning signs when it was all very quick and perfunctory, and as soon as it was over, Ben jumped in the shower. But he was so loving in other ways – holding my hand and giving me cuddles – that I pushed any doubts away. After all, I’d had amazing sex in the past, but those relationships hadn’t lasted.

After the first time, it was always me who initiated sex. After a few weeks, I asked Ben why he never took the lead. He dismissed my concerns, telling me he was often tired, as he had such a busy job in finance and that he’d try harder, which he did. But sex was never mind-blowing.

Ten months into our relationship, we booked a holiday to the Caribbean. I’d imagined lazy days in bed, but every evening when we came back to our room, he’d stay up watching TV and I’d fall asleep feeling confused and hurt.

Making an effort