Proud Mary's sweet past

Do you suppose Mary Berry still watches THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF (Channel 4, 8pm)?

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I bet she has the occasional peep, even though it’s nine years since she left.

If nothing else, she’s bound to want to see how the lady who replaced her as co-judge, that young whippersnapper Prue Leith, is getting on these days, and whether she still wears jewellery that looks as though it tastes of strawberry laces and fruit salad and gobstoppers.

(The answers to those questions, of course, are: “Fine, thanks for asking”, and: “Yep, ‘fraid so.”) If Mary were to tune in for tonight’s episode, she might even end up watching it right to the end, because this is the semifinal.

Could it possibly be any more exciting? Well, yes, it could. It could be the final. But other than that, no, not really.