THERE ARE MORE THAN EIGHT BILLION PEOPLE ON PLANET earth, and very few of them can remain relatable while they're telling you about the time the diamond fell out of their mouth. Not just relatable, likable. Your heart breaks when you hear how he hungrily bit into a Chicken McNugget that night in Rome, and how he just knew he'd lost that $600,000 fang. It hardly matters that the story has already been spoiled. The two massive, real-ass jewels are right there on his canines where they belong; a happy ending is a sure thing. But still: "I had the left one in my hand, and I dropped it right into the sink hole," he says. (Under normal circumstances, you'd correct him and say, "Drain," but you don't, because the guy is on a roll.) "I'm like, 'Fuck, man, I'm going to have to go into the ancient Roman sewers." You find yourself rooting for this guy to locate the twelve-carat gem that a team of dentists and jewelers shaped and polished and drilled into his teeth. You applaud his ingenuity when he tells you about how he rigged up a scooping device with a pair of pliers and a plastic takeout-pizza tripod; you relax a little when he retrieves it; you feel his victory when a Roman dentista gets it re-embedded. He did it!
It's all going to work out for Post Malone. Good for him. Let's get the man another beer.
この記事は Esquire US の October - November 2023 版に掲載されています。
7 日間の Magzter GOLD 無料トライアルを開始して、何千もの厳選されたプレミアム ストーリー、8,500 以上の雑誌や新聞にアクセスしてください。
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この記事は Esquire US の October - November 2023 版に掲載されています。
7 日間の Magzter GOLD 無料トライアルを開始して、何千もの厳選されたプレミアム ストーリー、8,500 以上の雑誌や新聞にアクセスしてください。
すでに購読者です? サインイン
IN JUDGMENT OF DONALD TRUMP
He may never face justice for his most serious offenses. But the everyday prosecutors who've won clear verdicts against him have exposed Trump as the unfit citizen he truly is.
TRAVEL GETS LIT
Book butlers! Curated libraries! Custom cruises! Literary-themed vacations are the hot new trend in tourism.
RED ALERT
Dior’s asymmetrical, angular Chiffre Rouge watch is back and as bold as ever
SHOES FOR GETTING WEIRD
The Rick Owens sneakers that remind Christopher Fenimore, the photographer behind the popular Five Fits series on Esquire.com, of a stranger time in his life
MAC DADDY
You need the simple, streamlined mackintosh coat in your spring rotation
Shawn Fain Is Done Making Nice
The combative new president of the United Auto Workers has emerged as the strongest voice in a resurgent labor movement in America
Game Time for Grown-ups
My most meaningful form of self-help right now involves an afternoon of Skee-Ball, Super Shot, Pac-Man, and a double-pepperoni flatbread from the Shareables menu—all punched into my Dave Buster’s Power Card
EVERY THING MEANS SOME THING WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
Last night he came downstairs around bedtime and didn't see either of them.
Kingsley Ben-Adir Makes It Look Easy
KINGSLEY BEN-ADIR IS HITTING HIS VAPE AT THE CLIP THAT MOST people sip beer, telling me a story about smoking weed on the way to Dave Chappelle's house.(\"I fucking nearly whited, man. I was on the tour-bus van, heading down to the party, and I had to put my feet up in the air to get blood back into my head.\")
Rev
To one America, he has long been a beacon of the civil-rights movement the man met Dr. King! To another, he was a loudmouth in a tracksuit, surrounded by controversy and shady friends the man knows Don King, too. Pulitzer Prize winner Mitchell S. Jackson tailed AI Sharpton around the country to find out why he keeps going, what he's still doing, and where his place in history will be.
