Why it's good to fail

We all make bad decisions, but whether they snag your life or not is up to you, says leading life coach Lynda Field

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Many years ago, when my first marriage collapsed, I was left alone with a baby and a toddler, feeling devastated. For a very long time I was angry with my ex (how could he have been so callous?) and then with myself (how could I have made such a stupid mistake?). For months, I was full of regret and saw myself as a victim, a fool, and I went around and around in a negative cycle of low self-esteem until I hit rock bottom.

My life turned around when I started to search for ways to move on. I became so interested in personal development issues that I began training in the field, which eventually led to me writing my first book on self-esteem. It's amazing to look back and see how that 'stupid mistake' pointed me in the direction of my career. Try the following exercises to change your experience of bad choices from negative to positive.

1 SPOT OPENING DOORS WHEN THEY APPEAR

So a relationship ends, we fail an exam, flunk an interview or argue with a family member. After our feelings of annoyance/anger/misery/guilt have passed, we can either continue to blame ourselves, or we can review our setbacks and use them to learn more about ourselves.

Try This... Consider the incident that has occurred and ask yourself these questions: Exactly how did this happen?

• How can I see this episode in a different more positive - light?

• How can this loss work for me? .

• What can I learn about myself here?

• What elements are there that are positive for me in this situation?