How To Stop Co-Dependency!

The first step to get out of a co-dependent relationship is to recognise you are in one. Anindita Ghosh talks to experts who help you navigate your way

- Anindita Ghosh

For Saheli Sen*, a 29-year-old Kolkata-based research scholar, dealing with her husband’s substance abuse had become a matter of routine. What started off as ‘social’ indulgence in marijuana, eventually graduated to hard drugs. What she thought was a one-off occurrence, soon developed into an addiction. “When it started affecting his career—he got thrown out of the newspaper he was working at—I convinced him to check into rehab,” she says. It helped him clean up for a bit, but before long, he had lapsed. Since then, it has become a vicious pattern, and each time Sen takes on the role of the primary caretaker, while her husband yo-yos between a new high-risk episode and an attempt to get sober. Sen’s situation, however, is not a unique one. Surprisingly, it is one in which many women find themselves— trapped in unequal relationships, where they are left to shoulder the burden of not only the relationship, but also a dependent, and often irresponsible, partner.

It is interesting and ironic that in many such cases, where a partner has a chronic issue, such as an addiction, a mental health problem, a disability, or is plain irresponsible, the other partner, who is compelled to take on the role of the carer, feeds off the neediness of her partner. Over a period of time, she begins to rely on her partner for approval as well as her sense of identity. She takes on the responsibility of the partner at the expense of her own well-being. It’s a complicated situation to be in. A few experts advise on how to get through it.

WHERE DOES IT STEM FROM?