NICE F-ING TRUCKS

IF YOU WANT TO INVEST IN THE NEXT BIG THING, HERE ARE FOUR NFTs THAT ARE GUARANTEED TO HAVE YOU LIVING LARGE

- EZRA DYER

IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF AN NFT, ALLOW US TO ENLIGHTEN YOU. THE TERM STANDS FOR NON FUNGIBLE TOKEN, AND IT'S A MEANS OF COMMODIFYING DIGITAL PROPERTY.

Instead of buying, say, a Michael Jordan baseball card, you could buy a digital image of a Michael Jordan baseball card, or of a Princess Beanie Baby, or perhaps of your favorite Dutch tulip, and it would be all yours. Maybe you'd buy Twitter founder Jack Dorsey's first tweet for $2.9 million, or pick up a drawing of a cartoon ape for $2.3 million, or spend $69 million for a digital mosaic from an artist named Beeple. These are not hypothetical examples, in case you're wondering. Rich people are evidently running out of things to spend money on. Luckily for them, we have some suggestions.

Since we're always on the bleeding edge of hot trends in crypto or blockchain or the metaverse, we figured we'd create a new category of NFT: the Nice F-ing Truck. Like a seven-figure Bored Ape, these body-on-frame behemoths embody a certain brand of conspicuous consumption. But unlike an NFT of LeBron dunking (which sold for a mere $208,000), a big luxury SUV actually, you know, does stuff. You can drive it around and go places.

You can tow heavy trailers. Maybe it'll give you a massage while you're towing a heavy trailer. Try getting a Beeple to do that. You don't even need the blockchain to prove ownership. Lance down in the finance office will get you all set up with that just let him know you already agreed to the undercoating.