RICHARD IRVINE

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST TIME DAD OF TWINS

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I always have reservations if I'm taking my kids to a cafe

The problem with writing about my children is there's an assumption they're routine human beings.

They don't strike me as remarkably different from all the other offspring I witness out in the world.

I only say this because we went to a cafe for lunch, and while I enjoy going out to eat with the children, I'm certain I enjoy dining alone more than I do with my family.

Despite the event being a good thing, there's an undercurrent of tension, and whether this is me being uptight, or the children being 'difficult', I don’t know.

So, I'm going to describe lunch in a cafe, and please do get in touch if you've got children under 10 and you feel the following behaviour necessitates some kind of professional intervention.