Culture of unease

What does it mean to be Māori if you haven't grown up in that world? CHRIS MIRAMS explains his conflicted feelings about his heritage.

- By CHRIS MIRAMS

My wife and I stood by the water's edge at our local beach on a gorgeous spring morning, each holding a small pounamu toki necklace hung on a black woven-jute ribbon. They had been crafted from a single piece of pounamu and symbolised courage and the power to shape one's own path.

It was a typically thoughtful gift from my wife and marked our 25th wedding anniversary. We walked the 300m to the beach to bless the necklaces with a prayer and to wash them in the water, honouring Māori tradition. Because pounamu is considered tapu, connected to the spiritual world, we had to lift the tapu in this way before they could be worn.

My toki then stayed in the top drawer of my bedside table. I've never worn it outside the house and it has hung around my neck three times for only a handful of minutes. Something about it just doesn't feel right.

The unease isn't about the stone itself, which is beautiful, smooth and dark green, or what the toki represents. Instead, it comes from a web of conflicting thoughts, emotions and perceptions about Māori and being Māori that have challenged me throughout my life and which I'm still trying to untangle. I've swung the pendulum from ambivalence to disdain, with pit stops for understanding, empathy and yeah-nah.

I haven't worn it because it doesn't feel authentic to do so. Māori blood flows deep in my veins through my mother and her lineage that spans at least four generations and stretches across the Hauraki Plains through Ngāti Pãoa and Ngāti Hako, with our marae being Kerepeehi and Waihi. Ngāti Pāoa traces back to the Tainui waka, and their traditional lands stretch from the western side of the Hauraki Plains to Auckland, including Waiheke Island. Ngāti Hako is widely recognised as the earliest iwi to settle in the Hauraki region, with whakapapa and oral traditions suggesting their presence dates back at least 800-1000 years, predating many of the later migrations associated with the Tainui waka.