Ticklish TIME

Who put itching powder in Mr Dear’s beehive?

- JOY GOSNEY

Events have taken a dark turn in The Great Ugly Sisters Feud. There is even talk of sabotage. ‘We shouldn’t bother with Cinderella,’ said Mr Dear the other day. ‘All this real-life drama would make a much better play.’

You’ll remember that Mr D and I were unexpectedly chosen to play the Ugly Sisters in our amateur dramatic society production of Cinderella after we had one of those ‘oh, yes you did’ and ‘oh, no I didn’t’ rows during the audition. You might also remember that we weren’t actually auditioning: we were doing the teas, but our director Diana is very modern and likes to spring the odd surprise.

This casting did not go down well with Derek and Andrew, who have previously played the Ugly Sisters whenever we have done Cinders, which is quite often.

Derek, who is playing Baron Hardup instead, has been grumbling and pointing out our mistakes, and generally making a nuisance of himself. So much so that I wondered whether our fellow actors might be treated to the sight of Mr D squaring up to Derek, while I hopped up and down and said ‘Leave it, love – he ain’t worth it’. Or words to that effect.