HOW TOXIC POSITIVITY AGGRAVATED ONE OF MY WORST EXPERIENCES

RECENTLY, I SUCKED. As soon as I started to run the 2024 New Balance 5th Avenue Mile in New York City, I lost my breath.

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I didn't even make it through two blocks before I had to slow down, then watch the backs of other runners fade away. I spent so much time walking that I was reduced to nothing but my own worst thoughts: How embarrassed I was. How out of shape. How I have no friends, my life has no meaning, and my running is never going to improve.

Did I spiral? Well, yes, of course I did! It took me 13 minutes to walk a mile.

A few days later, looking for some running advice, I told a coach with whom I'm friendly about how badly I felt. In response to my sadness, she said, "But you did great!" Now, in case you need a reminder, "great" means "considerably above or better than average." In my head and at that moment, there was no reality-based metric in which I had done "great."

The one person who responded appropriately to my suckiness was the young spectator who shouted at me while I walked my long mile during the race, "Hey! You're better than me!" because she was merely standing still. That stranger made me feel better than the run coach did.

Why, I wondered, do some people insist on being cheerful in response to another person's sadness?