Hell for LEATHER

Why is my sister so interested in the vicar?

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My little sister Deb phoned a few days ago, and announced with excitement, 'I've just seen the vicar.'

What's more, she said this in the tone of voice with which more plain-speaking women might say, 'OMG! I've just seen Brad Pitt sunbathing in our back garden in his skimpies.'

'What's so special about the vicar all of a sudden?' I said.

'He was wearing leather trousers. You never told me we had a vicar who wears leather trousers. Were you trying to keep him for yourself?'

'I didn't tell you because you never asked.

'Well it's not the sort of question that arises as a matter of course, is it?' she said. 'I can't imagine that I'd ever be asking on the off chance if the vicar wears leather trousers.'

This was almost certainly the most surreal conversation I have had since Mr Dear briefly wondered whether olive bread was invented by a famous baker called Olive. (Honestly, I am not making that up. I had to explain very slowly.) Anyway, back to the vicar and his trousers.

'I wouldn't get too excited,' I said. 'For a start, he's married. Very married. And the reason he wears leather trousers is quite boring — he rides a motorbike.'