'The new party rules'

What I hate about Christmas office parties is having to pack my belongings into a small cardboard box the next morning and trudge off to the unemployment office. I'm afraid the heady combination of alcohol, mistletoe, photocopy machines, silly hats, antlers and Yuletide demob euphoria has been known to bring out the worst in me. A friend's or neighbour's festive party isn't much safer. So with party season upon us, a refresher course on the new rules and top tips can't go astray.

- KATHY LETTE

First off, dress code... is it OK to wear a saucy Santa outfit to a house party? Definitely! And so much more preferable than a hideous Christmas-themed jumper. Every wife in the world knits her eyebrows with horror at the sudden appearance of knitwear emblazoned with reindeer and Santas on a normally sane and well-dressed spouse.

And what about presents? If you're a guest, should you bring a bottle? Or does that insult the host's wine cellar? 'Oh, lovely, we needed some cooking wine!' a condescending hubby once sneered at my magnum of Rioja. Is it acceptable to leave a party without saying goodbye? I certainly did that night.