I'm not a HIPPY, BUT...

From ecstatic dance to astrology, I've tried it all, says Abi Millar, who is looking for meaning in an uncertain world

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"I found moments of insight and emotional release"

G rowing up in an evangelical church, I knew two things for sure: God was real and revival was coming. Every year, we went to Bible Week in a giant agricultural centre, where we prayed, spoke in tongues, and prepared for religious renewal. But I had questions. 'What about the dinosaurs?' was one.

If the creation story was true, where did my diplodocus toy fit in? 'What happens after you die?' was another.My church taught a binary: believers are united with God, non-believers face damnation. I couldn't buy that. I fought my doubts but they got too much, and I stopped going to church at 17.

For years, I was the classic 'angry atheist'. It wasn't till my late 20s that something shifted, as if something was tugging at my consciousness. I began yoga, ventured into the 'mind-body' section of the bookshop, and started calling myself an agnostic. Then I lost my father very suddenly, and the big existential questions became all I could think about. While I didn't know what I believed, I felt sure spirituality was real. I craved that sense of meaning and ritual. But how could I find a form of spiritual expression that resonated? There was only one way to find out.

ASTROLOGY

For some people, astrology is a way of learning more about their purpose in life. For others, it's woo-woo nonsense.

I admit, I had hesitations when I signed up for a birth-chart reading with astrologer Chloe Smart. Showing the alignment of the planets at the date, time and location you were born, birth charts are believed by astrologers to give a blueprint of who we are as individuals, allowing us to better understand ourselves and the direction we're meant to go in.