The Hole in the Boat

GAYATHRI RAMACHANDRAN explores the value of authenticity and courage in communication, first with herself and also with others. As an educator, heading Shri Natesan Vidyasala School, in Chennai, India, and a writer, regularly contributing to the Times of India Education Edition, and several international and national magazines, Gayathri is forging a path of self-care that will surely give permission for her fellow teachers and students to open their hearts and embody the age-old value of truthfulness.

- GAYATHRI RAMACHANDRAN

Life was perfect. Or at least, so it seemed. I had everything anyone could ask for—my work was going great, my personal life was smooth, and on the surface, I looked happy, blessed, and fulfilled. It felt like I was on top of the world. Or was I? If you'd asked me, I'd have said yes—a big, loud “Yes.” There were no visible cracks. No drama. Nothing falling apart.

But there was also a small “No.” A whisper, tucked away in a corner of my heart. I couldn’t quite explain it, but something wasn’t right. Despite having it all, there were days I struggled to get out of bed. Nights when sleep wouldn't come, no matter how hard I tried. Even the things I once loved—like my morning and evening walks—felt like chores. Connecting with people, which used to energize me, now felt exhausting. I smiled. I laughed. But deep down, I knew it wasn't real. I was confused. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening. And worst of all, I didn’t know to whom to talk.

Should I seek help? The person I am, the work I do... how could I admit something was wrong? On the outside, everything was fine. But inside, it wasn’t.

This feeling, and the heaviness, the random illnesses, the sudden tears, kept growing, bit by bit, day by day. It reached a point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. It wasn't just a phase; it was a storm quietly tearing me apart.

I started to realize that just maybe, this was because I had spent too long ignoring my own needs. I was so scared of hurting the people I love that I stopped doing what I loved. I prioritized everyone else’s happiness, even when it meant sacrificing my own. I told myself I was strong enough to handle it, that it didn’t matter if I was unhappy, as long as the people around me were okay. But the truth is, it did matter.

Life isn't perfect, and it doesn't have to be. What matters is that I show up, fully and honestly, with the people who matter most.