Helping family members prepare for a 'good death'

A Cornishman who has had to cope with the death of his father this year is speaking out to help other people facing the same situation. Rachael Davis reports

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A DAD from Cornwall whose father died in hospital, where he did not want to be, is encouraging people of all ages to discuss what a “good death” looks like to them, before it is too late.

Matt Starling, 50, lost his dad, Peter, in August this year, after suddenly finding out he was terminally ill during hospital checks after a fall.

Peter, who was 82 when he died, was thought to be in relatively good health though getting “frailer with age” managing diabetes, and having suffered a number of strokes, Matt said he had always made a “fairly good recovery” and was considered to be well.

In late July, Peter had a fall at home and, unable to get up by himself, paramedics attended.

They initially thought he had a urine infection and he stayed at home to recover, but the next day Peter's condition deteriorated and he was admitted to hospital.

While in hospital, doctors discovered Peter had advanced leukaemia, which had gone undetected since he didn’t have any outward signs of the disease, and advised his family there was, sadly, nothing they could do.

It was then that Peter insisted he wanted to go home, to die at home - a wish his family never knew he held - but, due to logistical complications, he passed away before he was able to return home.

The stress and heartache that trying to fulfil his dad’s wishes caused has inspired Matt to open up conversations with his wife and 20-year-old daughter about what a “good death” means to them, so that, whenever that inevitable time comes, the remaining family can prepare to deliver their wishes as much as possible. “It just feels wrong, that this thing that is so inevitable - at the end of the day, it's the one thing we can be certain of - we can’t have a conversation about,” Matt told the Press Association.