Why do We revert to our childhood selves when we visit family?

Here's the psychology behind those old dynamics - and some tips on how to take a pause and reset this festive season.

- Gery Karantzas

You're an independent, capable adult all year round. But when you gather with family for a holiday such as Christmas, suddenly the child in you comes out.

Maybe you find yourself fighting with a sibling over a board game, or being sulky around your parents.

Why does it feel like you regress to childhood around family? And does this happen to everyone?

Here's the psychology behind those old dynamics - and some tips on how to take a pause and reset this festive season.

UNDERSTANDING FAMILY DYNAMICS

Attachment theory is a widely studied theory of human bonding developed in the early 20th century.

It suggests our early experiences - especially how we "attached" to parents and primary caregivers as children - influence how we interact with family and in other close relationships.

As adults, we hold certain thoughts, beliefs and stories about these early experiences. These can be positive or negative, and guide how we act around our parents (or later in life, romantic partners).

Together, these attitudes, beliefs and behaviours form our "attachment pattern".

Around 60 per cent of people have a secure pattern. They usually hold quite positive memories about their early relationship with parents. They can communicate openly and honestly with caregivers and turn to them for advice and comfort.

The remaining 40 per cent have an insecure pattern. They often have negative attitudes towards early experiences with their parents. As a result, some people will act withdrawn and distant towards loved ones (known as "avoidant"). Others may need high levels of closeness and validation, and fear rejection ("anxious").