What Happens When Families Can't Cope With Caregiving?

There's a better way than outsourcing care to professionals. We must enable exhausted families, not just expect them to do more.

- Daniel Fung

It started with missing clothes. An 82-year-old woman with moderate dementia began throwing her garments, and sometimes her bedsheets, from the window of her HDB flat.

Her children, both in their 50s and juggling full-time jobs, tried to adapt. They installed window grilles, hired a part-time helper and took turns staying overnight with her. But the episodes became more frequent and unpredictable.

One afternoon, she left the flat unnoticed and was found hours later, disoriented and dehydrated, at a nearby void deck.

That incident shattered their fragile confidence. Out of concern for her safety and with no clear alternative, they took her to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH)—not because she was mentally ill, but because they no longer knew how to look after her.

They worried for her safety. They feared for their jobs. And they felt ashamed that what once seemed manageable now felt impossible.

This is not an isolated incident. Across Singapore, more families are turning to institutional care—not because they do not care, but because they are overwhelmed.

Between 2016 and 2020, the number of nursing home beds increased by about 25 per cent, from 13,000 to about 16,500, reflecting the rising demand for long-term care services.

While population ageing explains the broader demand for institutional care, research shows that caregiver burnout is often the tipping point.

A 2018 Lien Foundation study found that over half of caregivers for persons with dementia in Singapore considered institutional care not out of preference, but because they could no longer cope.

These are not failures of affection but collapses under pressure.

A 2022 survey by the National Council of Social Service found that 37 per cent of caregivers had to provide care by themselves, and over half were classified as "burdened" or "barely coping", with lower quality of life scores across physical, psychological and social domains.