How to better deal with your child's tantrums

For a start, it is important to understand whether your child's anger stems from fear or frustration before taking action

- Elisa Chia

Five-year-old Xavier marches up to his teacher and fumes: "I am angry with Tyler (not their real names) because he called me stupid."

To which Tyler says in defence: "I did not call him 'stupid'. I said, 'Stop it."

Dealing with angry children has always been a challenging experience for educators and parents. Often, these outbursts can stem from misunderstandings, observes Ms Josephyne Ho, a mentor principal at EtonHouse Pre-school.

Other common situations that provoke anger include being pushed while in line, a peer taking a toy or a classmate's unwillingness to share.

Everyone expresses anger differently because of his or her inborn traits and temperament, says Adjunct Associate Professor Daniel Fung, Institute of Mental Health's chief executive and a child psychiatrist.

While some can fly off the handle at the smallest provocation, there are also those who express their anger in less obvious ways, such as withdrawing socially or sulking.

Research has shown that children may be broadly classified as having one of three temperaments: easy, slow to warm up and difficult, says Prof Fung. About 10 per cent of kids are born "difficult".

Children with difficult temperaments can be impulsive, get easily stressed out by new experiences and changes in routines, have strong reactions, find it hard to calm down, might have irregular sleep or eating patterns, and have intense mood swings.

There are also some kids who find it challenging to control their anger because of developmental disorders, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism.

Regardless of the child's personality, every instance of anger presents a unique problem and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.