Classical music and pop artists

Wonder why some businesspeople keep expanding while others keep shrinking? The easy answer is "technology." The honest answer is mindset.

- FRANCIS J. KONG

Long before social media's megaphone, I had my share of slander, anonymous letters sent to senior executives, HR directors being approached by former staff eager to "steal" accounts, and falsehoods dressed up as facts. We held on tight and kept building. Why? Because beneath those tactics was a belief I refused to adopt: "For me to win, you must lose." That's the scarcity mindset — and it doesn't scale. It merely screams louder as it shrinks.

There's a better way. Let me take you to Philadelphia in the 18th century.

Benjamin Franklin once had a rival in the Pennsylvania Assembly. Instead of attacking him, Franklin requested a small favor: a rare book from the man's library. The rival obliged. Franklin returned it with thanks.

A strange thing happened. The rival warmed up, then helped again, and later became a friend.

Franklin summarized the psychology: "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another."

When we do a favor for someone, our minds search for consistency and whisper: "I did this because I like them."

Relationship formed. Resistance lowers. Collaboration becomes possible.

Decades of research echo this effect; the short version is simple: If you want a relationship, consider asking for a small, honest favor. It signals respect. It invites dignity. And yes, it can turn adversaries into allies.

I took this principle into my world of speaking and training.