How children of divorce can have a drama-free December

Like many children of divorce, my parents' separation happened when I was too young to have any say over where I spent Christmas.

- LUCY PEARSON

The plan existed; we followed it. It was only later – once my three sisters and I were old enough to drive, form opinions, have boyfriends, and take on part-time Christmas jobs - that the festive season started to become more complicated.

I'm one of four girls, which meant the holidays came with military-level coordination, a burden my parents inevitably carried for many years. Who was going where, in what order, with which car, and at what time?

Every decision had to feel fair, even if no one could quite define what fair actually meant. Was it better for the four of us to be divided down the middle, two at each house? And if not, and we stayed together, where did we have the main festive meal? At whose home should we swap presents and open stockings? Leaving one house often felt like a managed operation rather than the natural end to an afternoon.

It wasn't that anyone behaved badly. On the contrary, everyone was very nice, which somehow made it harder. There was a lot of cheerful flexibility, a lot of “don't worry about us!”, and plenty of silent mental note-taking. By the end of the day, I'd usually eaten too much, felt old sibling rivalries resurface, and realised I'd spent Christmas managing the schedule rather than enjoying it.