Why you should embrace rejection

From boosting artistic creativity to building resilience, there are benefits to being rebuffed

- By Farrah Jarral

Rejection hurts. Whether in a professional, social or romantic setting, there is a painful sting to the discovery that one has been judged undesirable. If you have experienced proper rejection, it may stand out in your mind for a long time.

And it can hurt literally. The late anthropologist Helen Fisher, who studied human behaviour in romantic love, showed that rejection and physical injury have much in common. In 2010 she led a study of people who had been recently rejected romantically. Functional MRI scans of their brains revealed that areas associated with distress and physical pain were more active. Time did seem to reduce the pain response for Fisher’s participants, but for some people rejection can resonate for months or years.

From an evolutionary perspective, it is easy to understand why rejection hits so hard. The realisation that one has been socially excluded induces a sudden chill. To be exiled from the warmth of the communal fire could have meant death for our ancient ancestors - so it was something to be avoided at all costs. While the spurned of modern Britain won’t usually have to contend with the dangers that social rejects of 30,000 years ago faced, the impulse to seek shelter in the company of others is strong and enduring. We yearn to be accepted. For 21st-century