Jumping off jingle hells

So it's Christmas again.

- BEN TROVATO

Squeaky little humanoid hamsters on a giant treadwheel in the sky. Round and round we go. Well, I've had enough. Stop this thing. I want to get off.Why the 25^th of December, anyway? It’s not as if anyone has irrefutable evidence that Jesus was born on that very day.

In fact, my research indicates that Jesus very nearly wasn’t the messiah at all.

Luke (not Skywalker, the other one) tells the story of a childless couple, Zacharias and Elizabeth, who were visited by Gabriel.

The angel told Zach his prayers had been answered and that he and his wife would have a son.

They were to name him John. Zach was, like: “Yeah, right, I'll name my own son, thank you very much. Bloody angels, coming around here thinking they own the place.”

Unimpressed with Zach’s attitude, Gabriel went down the road to Elizabeth’s cousin, Mary, and told her the same story, only that she was to call her kid Jesus.

Word on the street is that Jesus was born six months after John. There’s no mention of it, but I reckon Liz couldn't have been thrilled.

“You idiot, Zach. All that gold, frankincense and myrrh could’ve been ours.”

“What the hell is myrrh, anyway?”

“That’s not the point, you idiot. For thousands of years, people would have prayed to me, the Virgin Elizabeth.”

“Oh, please. You're no virgin.”

“Bastard. My mum always said I should’ve married Joseph.”

Anyway. I suppose we should be grateful. It wouldn’t be the same if, every time we were overcome with frustration or rage, we shouted, “John!”