Hands off munchies man

I wish everyone would stop giving John Steenhuisen a hard time. We have a lot in common, he and I. We're both from Durban.

- BEN TROVATO

We went to the same school (years apart). Neither of us has a university degree. And we're both terrible with money.

Unlike him, however, I don't earn R2.7 million a year. But if I did, you can be damn sure that I'd also have Uber Eats on speed-dial. Steenhuisen isn't the first politician to go from 80kg to 120kg in just over a year.

As DA leader, he was relatively svelte. If that’s the right word. His insatiable hunger for power was finally quenched in 2024, when voters gave the ANC a swift kick in the nuts. Needing a white man in his coalition Cabinet, Cyril Ramaphosa gave Steenhuisen a portfolio where he could do the least damage.

Unfortunately for his waistline, he was made the minister of agriculture. Even though it wasn’t in his job description, Steenhuisen, being the patriot he is, took it upon himself to eat everything produced in this fine country. Monday mornings would find him working his way through piles of sugar cane and wheat products, Tuesday it was chickens and baby cows, Wednesday was for peanuts and fruit, Thursday was pigs, lambs and potatoes and Friday was devoted to beer and wine. Weekends he relaxes on the couch.

“Siri, order the usual from Uber Eats and put it on the DA card,” is all he can manage.