Tied to the Toxic?

Sometimes, humans long not for the person who hurt them, but for the comfort of the familiar, the dream of who they could've been, and the emotional story they built around them

- DR ERA DUTTA

You block them. Then you stalk them. You remind yourself of every hurtful thing they said or did but at 2 a.m., you still find yourself missing them.

If you've ever felt this way, you're not alone. Many people come to therapy with the same question that "Why am I longing for someone who treated me badly?" It could be in the case of a manipulative ex, a draining friendship, or even a critical parent. It's a deeply confusing feeling loaded with guilt, shame, and internal conflict.

So why do we miss "toxic people"? Here are some reasons:

Familiarity: We are wired to seek the known, even if it's not ideal. A chaotic relationship can still feel more comfortable than being alone. Psychologically, this is called trauma repetition compulsion where we subconsciously seek patterns that feel familiar, even if they're painful. Knowing how it works, and ends even if it is bad, seems to feel better than unknown.