High Tea, but spaces for men are missing

Women have rituals that reinforce connection and longevity. Men lack such spaces and pay the price in isolation, ill health and premature death

- Sisa Nhlabathini

It is often said that one learns until one dies. This adage returned to me rather forcefully in the most unexpected of places: the Cape Winelands.

A colleague had invited me to the launch of a foundation, and I had agreed to attend, skimming the invitation without much thought. Only later did I notice the words “Launch and High Tea.” I understood the first part well enough; the second part, I must confess, I knew only vaguely. My rudimentary assumption was that a “High Tea” was something reserved exclusively for women.

My impression was not entirely wrong: the gathering was indeed dominated by women.

This prompted me to reflect not only on what High Tea truly is, but also on the broader question of whether men have — or ought to have — their own equivalents. In that reflection lies a social observation about gender, longevity and the spaces we cultivate for our well-being.

The phrase “High Tea” is today often misunderstood, conflated with “Afternoon Tea”, a genteel tradition associated with the Victorian upper classes. According to the Victoria and Albert Museum in London’s document, A Brief History of Tea in the UK, Afternoon Tea emerged in the 1840s, made popular by Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, who found herself hungry between luncheon and the late dinner hour of her social circle. She began inviting friends to her private rooms for tea, cakes and light sandwiches. This ritual soon became a fashionable pastime of the English aristocracy.